Thursday, November 5, 2009

The 11.05.09 hustle was the first hustle I had attended. I heard about the hustles through Elisabeth and it sounded like a blast, but after a summer of feeling particularly shy and slightly socially awkward, the idea of competing with a bunch of strangers sounded a little intimidating. I also generally go through life in the mind-set of "Why Rush? I ain't out to win any races..." which does NOT make me an ideal candidate in an actual RACE. But I always love me an adventure so after a shot of gin at Lis's beforehand, I felt sufficiently calmed down.

The meeting place was at Re-Cycled Bike Shop.

There were around twenty of us and we were each given spoke cards and were told that the race would actually start in Antelope Park. After leaving our bikes on the ground and waiting behind a tree, we were told our goal was to collect the colored, sticky dots at each checkpoint. We had no idea where, nor how many checkpoints there were total. Each destination would be revealed upon collection of said sticky dot at the previous checkpoint.

Checkpoint 1: Pedestrian bridge in Haymarket Park.
2: Archways in Wilderness Park
3: Tierra Skatepark off of Highway 2 and 27th street
4: Ramos Pizza on 48th and Normal

I ended up going up the opposite side of the pedestrian bridge as the colored dots in Haymarket park and not wanting to lose too much time I was forced to lift my heavy bike and climb over the middle barrier with some help from Tim and some other sportsmanly riders (thanks guys!). I also got stuck with a handful of others waiting for a train on the way to Wilderness Park, so I did not exactly choose the best route. I was one of the last to make it to Ramos on Bulen (my slow, yet trusty and reliable Kona Smoke. We've been through a lot together), but I had a great time on the ride and a lot of fun getting to know a few riders a little bit better. Thanks to Patrick for the invite and to Tyler for organization of the hustle!


Thursday, September 10, 2009


I really intended on being objective in my recounting of this race. Really. That is what I desired to give you. Unfortunately, I have to tell the truth. That truth, my dear friends, is that The Rhino - who planned this Hustle - is a bastard.

A bastard with nothing on his mind but screwing you over with his checkpoint strategies.

This Thursday started out well enough. Hell, it started out brilliant: with beers at the starting point, the 3rd and F st. tunnel.

Then this "man," this . . . Ceratotherium sadist demanded that all participants remove there shoes, leave them, and cross to the other side of the hobo-juice-filled tunnel.

In their socks.

It was then a scramble for your shoelaces; then bike, as you felt the [. . . what-is-that...Urine?!!!Glass?!!!Mad Dog?!!!] work it's way between your toes.
I wish I could tell you this was the worst of it. Ok, that just might have been the worst of it. There was mean competition, though. Some participants got themselves pregnant, then kept it a secret, all in an attempt to avoid having to drink Hustle-designated checkpoint beer. I am above naming names.

I wish I could give you more detail - there was beer-slamming, nauseating spin-in-a-circle-then-zig-zag-through-vomit-inducing-cones checkpoints, beer-slamming, LPD seemed to be monitoring certain checkpoints, beer-slamming . . . there was much more but that's not what's important. What's important is the checkpoint that I personally chose to do last.
This checkpoint had it's own little scavenger hunt involved. You were informed, upon arriving, that you would need a spork and a non-English menu before crossing the finish line. I was very confident upon reaching this checkpoint. I was less then two miles from the finish line. Passing the finish line in pursuit of said items, I noted that no racers were in yet. You may notice at the bottom of this blog that I was one of the last to finish. I assure you this was not poor riding on my part as some have suggested. This was the fault of The Rhino, and he alone.


Props to Clint and Justine.
Thanks to The Rhino for putting it on.

5.Eric P.
7.Matt S.
12.Matt A.
18.Dan P.

*Top rider (Men's bracket)
**Top rider (Women's bracket)

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Boy, those first couple of hustles were rough (read: awesome), huh? We all knew Patrick loves beer and is an asshole, so it wasn’t surprising how much beer he funneled into us on the first two hustles. But just like the monkeys eventually grew tired of picking their friends' hair, beginning to dream of capitalism and 400-story buildings, so too the hustles needed to evolve.

John and I were not gifted beer-chuggers, and we hoped we were not alone in our desire to make the hustles a bit more creative, seeing that the first two hustles combined for 5 checkpoints and 6 beers (not even counting the finish line beers for each race!). The Pabst dripped from our bodies once the sweat had been exhausted. It was a stinky, beer-soaked mess once everyone arrived at O’Rourke's. So since it was back-to-school time, we thought we'd plan our race around the "drier" areas of the city: college campuses. The checkpoints were to be completed in any order, and most of the tasks were unknown to the racers until they found the race correspondents:

Meeting/starting point: Kohl’s across from SCC at 84th and “O”

- Union College: blow up a balloon that must be intact at the finish

- UNL East Campus: buy any item from the Kwik Shop at 33rd and Holdredge

- UNL City Campus: pick up today’s Daily Nebraskan

- Wesleyan: eat five saltine crackers without water

- Dan Kroll's house: chug a beer (DUH!)

Finish: O’Rourke's and one pint of Boulevard Pale Ale

This was the longest race up to this point with 5 checkpoints, but it seemed much more conceivable that a human being could ride to all of these places if there were non-chugging checkpoints awaiting them at each location. Aside from some slight issues with a couple different checkpoints (correspondents getting lost, the Daily Nebraskan loophole), things went smoothly and people rode their bikes. And that’s what we’re here for: riding!
We also welcomed Dan back from the hospital with this race. After shooting the starting gun, I huffed it over to his porch to sit down and enjoy a cold 312. When I arrived at O’Rourke's, approximately 30 minutes after the starting time, I barely had time to sit down with a beer before James came bursting in the door, his inflated balloon protruding like a giant, mutant breast from his shirt. He looked like a real winner! Others followed closely behind, and by the end it was looking like New Year’s Eve in O’Rourke's with all the balloons, beer-toasting, smiles and…Daily Nebraskans? Yes, Daily Nebraskans. Because that’s what we are after all: Nebraskans who ride their bikes DAILY!! (get it? of course you get it.)


- Aaron

1. James
2. Mike
3. Ryan
4. Clint
5. Lis
6. Conrad
7. Matt
8. Tim
9. Patrick
10. Tyler
11. Kaitlyn
12. Emily*

*Undone by imperfect race organizing on [Aaron's] part.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


The starting point for this one was behind a warehouse off of Cornhusker. With Dan Kroll still in the hospital (after getting his face smashed to pulp by an oncoming light-less cyclist), racers wore patches with his initials.

After slamming a beer at the starting line, racers sprinted to three different checkpoints before finishing at O'rourke's.


35th & R
28th & J
46th & Hillside


*Did not finish

Thursday, July 30, 2009


It was a quick winner-take-all-of-Aaron's-delicious-guacamole sprint with two beer-chugging checkpoints thrown in.

We all met at Malcolm's place before riding to the starting point.

The race started beneath the construction of the Antelope Valley Project at Q st.

with checkpoints at a 28th and R apt. building (where you would have to climb the stairs to the top floor)and the Tam O'Shanter before finishing with a final beer at O'rourke's.

Huge thanks to all 12 riders and, of course, to Aaron for providing a worthy prize.


* Disqualified

All photos courtesy of Taura Horn