Thursday, September 10, 2009


I really intended on being objective in my recounting of this race. Really. That is what I desired to give you. Unfortunately, I have to tell the truth. That truth, my dear friends, is that The Rhino - who planned this Hustle - is a bastard.

A bastard with nothing on his mind but screwing you over with his checkpoint strategies.

This Thursday started out well enough. Hell, it started out brilliant: with beers at the starting point, the 3rd and F st. tunnel.

Then this "man," this . . . Ceratotherium sadist demanded that all participants remove there shoes, leave them, and cross to the other side of the hobo-juice-filled tunnel.

In their socks.

It was then a scramble for your shoelaces; then bike, as you felt the [. . . what-is-that...Urine?!!!Glass?!!!Mad Dog?!!!] work it's way between your toes.
I wish I could tell you this was the worst of it. Ok, that just might have been the worst of it. There was mean competition, though. Some participants got themselves pregnant, then kept it a secret, all in an attempt to avoid having to drink Hustle-designated checkpoint beer. I am above naming names.

I wish I could give you more detail - there was beer-slamming, nauseating spin-in-a-circle-then-zig-zag-through-vomit-inducing-cones checkpoints, beer-slamming, LPD seemed to be monitoring certain checkpoints, beer-slamming . . . there was much more but that's not what's important. What's important is the checkpoint that I personally chose to do last.
This checkpoint had it's own little scavenger hunt involved. You were informed, upon arriving, that you would need a spork and a non-English menu before crossing the finish line. I was very confident upon reaching this checkpoint. I was less then two miles from the finish line. Passing the finish line in pursuit of said items, I noted that no racers were in yet. You may notice at the bottom of this blog that I was one of the last to finish. I assure you this was not poor riding on my part as some have suggested. This was the fault of The Rhino, and he alone.


Props to Clint and Justine.
Thanks to The Rhino for putting it on.

5.Eric P.
7.Matt S.
12.Matt A.
18.Dan P.

*Top rider (Men's bracket)
**Top rider (Women's bracket)